You deserve to have sex

This was the very first title of my very first public research project. And the trigger for Be Kind Research’s journey.

This project happened whilst working with a disability charity developing online advice content as part of the in-house team, focused on intimacy and relationships for disabled people with a variety of different needs and life experiences.

This title came about after a content research session, with a trusted participant, discussing how relevant the content was for them. In this case, they asked me ‘why are you asking me to read this’, ‘I don’t deserve to have sex’. And this floored me and I had further questions. I had to understand why this was the case, why did this outspoken, intelligent, young individual, share with me that they didn’t feel deserving of intimacy.

As we got to talking more on the topic, they shared how they had been removed from class as a teen, and disregarded in sexual education lessons. They talked about privacy, about how their impairment would impact ‘traditional’ intimacy.

I spoke to subject matter experts on the topic, sex educators, policy makers, ex-teachers, and I found out all the detail behind systematically removing disabled people from the conversation of their own intimacy, of consent, of pleasure.

I was heartbroken.

So, I decided to share this research. Give it a catchy but honest title. Tell as many people as would listen until I started to see change in this sector. Now, sexual education organisations are more common than not, disability charities have grown from this very principle, educating and sharing positivity around the subject.

After this, I moved into consultancy, becoming an accessibility specialist with the intention to embed accessibility and inclusion into government contracts, services, and systems. I became a Product Design lecturer with the aim to teach kinder research as a core skill that designers should be aware of. I moved into private sector, worked on products that we use everyday. All in aid to make conversations like that day, a rare occurrence.

But I am only one person. And after 10 years on this mission to change the face of user research, it dawned on me that if I was to continue to make a real impact, i’d have to find ways to reach the masses.

So I’m now writing it all down. I’m offering my templates, my approaches, my love of uncovering real needs, until I’m no longer needed and design has these ways of working embedded. I want to be useful to brands, marketers, architects, UX designers, Product Teams, Service Designers, and anyone who makes decisions on products that effect someone’s life.

These blogs will share practical ways of building kinder research approach and anecdotes from real projects along the way.

I can’t wait to meet you all on this journey. Speak soon, Be Kind,

Alex